• Rocky

Fortnite in New England's Hallowed Halls

As Fortnite is slowly turning to shit, we decided to relive its glory days by listing different prep schools and their Fortnite skills.


When they weren’t popping Addy’s or doing homework, it turns out that Exeter students were, for the most part, on the mobile grind. No standout console or PC players, not surprised. In recent years, a small number of Exeter students occasionally took med leave, because they were too addicted to Fortnite. In addition, some hockey players set up a Fortnite booth to raise money for cancer. Bravo.


When not sucking at sports other than girls field hockey, Hotchkiss kids were mainly squad console players and occasionally caught some casual dubs. They would all head back to their own dorms and FaceTime the rest of the squad as they camped on a mountain, engaging with as few other squads as possible.


When they weren't using their Dad’s email password to browse their family will to see how much money they would inherit if their parents die, they treated solo Fortnite as a group activity. They swore by the rotation, while onlookers would backseat game. They always ended up chirping faculty after they told them to quiet down at 2:30 AM.


All we know is that there is this kid named Chris Gutman and he’s dirty. We know nothing else. During my brief stint on a JV lax dynasty, we played Kent, and all of the defensemen wanted to go back to play Fortnite and eat. From what I can gather though, overall, Fortnite was not as popular as swimming in their school hallways.


For a period of time Fortnite was banned at Taft, and no one there cared to comment on the story. Probably too busy playing with expo markers instead.

Proctor Academy:

Who? What?


We didn’t even have to talk to anybody at Salisbury to know that their Fortnite rounds ended in too many broken controllers and 2nd place finishes. Honestly, I would be very impressed if they could communicate as a squad and get anything done, as the extent of their communication skills is chirping in unison.

923 views0 comments

Recent Posts

See All